Reflections
This entry will be a little different/more personal because I feel like this is the only place to rant/vent/what have you about how it feels so far to be the lone immigrant Thai girl (or slave, as we’ve playfully nicknamed) with all the fascinating people I’ve met so far. It will be emotional, and likely quite vulnerable, and definitely come off as a travel virgin. So skip if you’re only interested in the travel part of the “travel blog.”
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I can’t never explain how lucky I feel to be able to have this experience as we speak. Among the great sights and trips I’ve been on, I truly believe it’s human relationships, connections and communications that keep me intrigued. Being around incredibly intelligent people who have had such interesting, unique life experiences and interests blows my mind. Sadly, people like these are hard to come by (particularly in Syracuse … there, I said it.) And if it’s pathetic enough to have to admit such thing, clearly I’ve not explored the world enough.
Sometimes, it makes me wish I was more interesting or had something to add to what they’re saying beside “That’s cool” or similar phrases, but I can hardly because I’m simply not witty enough. I hate how extreme my personality is — I have a high tolerance for physical pain but I am so goddamn emotionally weak. I want to belong, but I’m only trying. I want to inspire, but I’m not a muse.
My mother opened her second restaurant last night, and as we converse via Skype, I couldn’t get over how amazing it is for a person like her to come from an underprivileged life with no settled home, parents or higher education to be able to accomplish so much. Today she’s able to send me and my brother to college among other things, and here I fucking-am in Hong Kong. I can only hope these moments I’m currently having here will eventually turn into stories as captivating as the ones I’m told by my newfound peers. I think this, what I’m living right now, is the life my mother has always wanted but never had the chance to attain. I’m generally not a selfish person, never can be (it’s therapist proven) so I can never stop thinking of my mother and how I wish we could trade places if only for a day.
I can’t understand why anyone would discourage or turn down the opportunity to study abroad. I feel like I’m on a getaway, a fantasy. Every time I call home there’s a mess of emotions, struggles and sadness amongst the circle of people I call “friends and family,” but I’ve yet to have a fullblown shitty day. As a Libra, I’m not one to believe that only one side of the scale can be tipped. With equal happiness is equal FML moments which I’m not really having. This is all a dream.
None of this makes sense. Don’t do your best to try to make any out of it. I woke up this morning not knowing what’s happening to me and my only option was to relegate to writing, aka blabbering. If it’s one thing I know about myself, it’s how refreshing it is to know that no matter what, this will always be cathartic. I guess what I’m trying to say here is I’m so overwhelmed with how amazing these past few weeks have been I can barely control how fast my head is spinning, yet I don’t want it to stop.
